It’s a strange feeling that is not easily dismissed if you are just taking your first steps on a path toward leveling up your game and improving your perceived value in the dating marketplace. Actively looking to get better at dating almost feels greasy and manipulative, like you are trying to hack and cheat the system. Shouldn’t we just roll the dice and accept fate? That’s how most Hollywood romance stories go. Just be yourself, and the girl of your dreams will fall into your lap.
She might first appear on the arm of a more handsome, more successful guy at first. Maybe instead you win out over the more attractive and wealthier man that appears in a couple of chapters from now while she is in crisis and experiencing uncertainty before finally giving in without you having to break a sweat, lift a finger, try, or learn anything. Just like a fairy tale.
Maybe You Are Already In the Top 1%
If your life is so blessed that your life here in this world so closely resembles a fairy tale you cannot be sure whether or not you are just a character in one or not? Well, maybe the only advice you do need is to sit back, relax, don’t worry about anything, and enjoy the experience as the universe showers you with riches, the girl of your dreams, and more. You are living a charmed experience if that is your life. If that’s you, your life is so far beyond the average guy, and so far beyond most of the top 1% of guys that they couldn’t even begin to relate.
For people living a life more ordinary? To never make any attempt to improve as a potential dating partner would be kind of like putting yourself through university, and then for the thrills, intentionally going into the final exams not having studied at all. After going into debt to take the course and investing all that time into it. That sounds like madness. To just roll the dice and accept fate in the dating game is actually worse than that. It would be like skipping the entire course before declining to study for the exam. Then refusing to even find out the subject of each exam before taking it. There is likely somebody, or some people who could operate like that, and ace it.
Maybe You Already Are That 1 in 1,000,000 Guy
Unless you are that guy, that 1 in a 1,000,000 guy? You should be learning how to improve your chances in the dating game. It should be something you don’t feel guilty about doing either. No more guilty, shady, or manipulative than a university student would feel for having shown up at least some of the time to a course they were taking. And choosing to study for the final exam before taking it. They definitely should not just roll the dice and accept fate. And they definitely shouldn’t feel guilty for preparing for what was about to come. Or for any additional measures meant to help their chances at having a successful outcome unless that action carried the risk of being shut out of the game completely.
Even before the age of 5, some of us were given the confidence, taught how to behave well enough, and were playful enough that we caught on socially with our peers from day 1. Congratulations, if that was you. People experiencing that outcome as a child were not just miles other from others, but we also accepted a VIP invitation to the fast track at the same time. Success begets success.
Didn’t Get Invited Onto The Fast Track
Within a short time after that, they were not simply ahead of you or I, or countless others. The rate at which they were improving? It was increasing exponentially from that point on. The rest of us improved incrementally. We experienced extended droughts that saw us plateau seem to plateau. Sometimes we stagnated so long that when we finally figured out what we wanted or where to go, we had sunk so deep into mud that we could just move forward, or move much at all. We were completely stuck, feeling useless, and utterly powerless in that state to control the outcomes of events occurring all around us. Maybe even got turned around at some point, and spend months going in what turned out to be the wrong direction entirely.
Within a short time after that, they were not simply ahead of you or I, or countless others. The rate at which they were improving? It was increasing exponentially from that point on. The rest of us improved incrementally. We experienced extended droughts that saw us plateau seem to plateau. Sometimes we stagnated so long that when we finally figured out what we wanted or where to go, we had sunk so deep into mud that we could just move forward, or move much at all. We were completely stuck, feeling useless, and utterly powerless in that state to control the outcomes of events occurring all around us. Maybe even got turned around at some point, and spend months going in what turned out to be the wrong direction entirely.
The point is that you are likely so far behind the top %1, that even if there was a way to cheat your way ahead of where you are, or hack the system for better control? It not going to vault you into the higher echelons. Should you just roll the dice and accept fate? No, you should take things into your own hands.
There Is Always Hope
This painting probably looks more than bleak enough at this point. What was the point then? To try and help you understand that you can’t possibly be cheating your way instantly to the top. You need to lay a solid foundation first. Few of us achieve greatness. Fewer are those who do. Even fewer keep pushing hard enough with enough grit until they become true masters. If you could cheat your way so up the dating marketplace you were landing dates with the hottest movie actresses. Is that really something to even feel guilty about it? Well, if so, you don’t have to worry about ever feeling that guilty. Almost nobody in the world has the genes, talent, and level of financial success required to be pulling that off any more than as a one-off fluke.
I am not trying to put you down, break you down, or crush your dreams by saying that. But you need to get real. And you need to keep it real. Real about where you currently rank. Optimistic about your potential, but keeping it real. Real about the kind of girls you should be targeting. Have you ever landed a girl that is way out of your league? Almost sounds like a dream come true doesn’t it? Like a fairy tale.
But Life Isn’t A Fairy Tale
It’s no fairy tale to spend your days in a relationship with a girl way out of your league. It’s not like you might see in a TV show or movie. Guess what, she is also going to know she is out of your league. And you strangely fall into her blind spot in a way that she is completely unable to see that being the case? People are going to let her know. Lots of people. Often. It may even happen right in front of your face, while you range to hear. It may even get said right to you. Maybe even directly. Most likely in the form of the kind of passive-aggressive joke you can see and feel was not intended as a joke. Sometimes announced by somebody as a between-the-lines way for them to declare they are more likely the one for her. That at the very least, they are an upgrade over you.
An unfortunate truth is that the person holding all the power in a relationship is the one who cares the least about that relationship. It’s not some kind of fluke that only happens some of the time. And sure, the tables of power within a relationship can flip and land somebody new in charge. That is what happens if the person who previously cared most about that relationship started to care the least. The reason why the person has all the power in the relationship has nothing to do with being able to skillfully and tactfully get your points across. It’s entirely because one person is significantly more willing than the other to drop their partner and walk away.
The Power
The 4 most typical reactions to hearing are A) nodding in agreement, because they already knew, or the light bulb clicked right away. B) Confusion, doubt, and denial. . . then eventually acceptance. C) Defiantly resisting the claim, insisting that they are always in charge because they are the boss. Now sure, being a man and a true leader will take you far. But eventually, she is going to see enough of what’s going on behind the curtains that the shine is going to dull out eventually. And maybe you still are the one who always holds all the power. But that’s entirely to do with caring less about whether the relationship ends than she does. Finally, D) Many will just insist it’s the woman that holds all the power, period.
Without meeting a couple, over a big enough sample size, you or I could actually guess which person in the relationship holds all the power with about 80% accuracy. Don’t even need to see a picture. Just guess the woman every time. But that has nothing to do with her being female. It’s entirely because women are more willing than men to just drop their partner for a chance at someone new. Women initiate the break-up 80% of the time. Women have more options than men. The best-looking, most charming man you have ever met couldn’t get as many women into bed in a week as the ugliest girl you have ever met could get men into bed in one night. As a whole group, men are so thirsty that it’s kind of pathetic. We are so thirsty, we have given away all power and control in our relationships.
Just Roll The Dice And Accept Fate?
There are times in life when aiming for the stars is absolutely the best mindset you can have. Aiming for the highest possible goal in some endeavors can leave you someplace worthwhile even if you fail. Aiming for the lowest hanging fruit only can leave you wandering out looking for something off the ground to try picking up and eating if you fall short. I am not trying to preach that you, or anything should settle for somebody that they don’t feel attracted to. The point of identifying your range isn’t to date only women you perceive as looking up to your level. But do keep in mind that women are almost universally looking to date up. They are not content with a lateral move. Women are seeking a partner who will elevate their life, their status, their potential, etc.
The problem today in 2023? Once you are through school at least. You might be self-aware enough to understand roughly where you sit in the market. You might be very realistic about what girls are on and around your level too. The problem is that even the girls you know are on, or even slightly below your level, somewhere deep inside they know too. But, those girls are getting consistent enough attention from 8’s, 9′, and 10’s. They are rethinking everything they thought they knew.
Develop Self Awareness
If that were happening to you, you wouldn’t give a 7 the time of day even if you knew deep down you were really a 6. As girl after girl used you and moved on, few would be self-critical enough to understand they were reaching too high. We all have an inner narcissist that wants to believe we are special. That we are better than everybody has ever thought us to be thus far. And if some very attractive people were to start confirming that to us daily with attention and desire to be with us, we would fall for it. Hard and fast.
As we piled up casual encounters that we tried and failed to turn into relationships, we wouldn’t look inwards. We would rationalize it some other way. The timing was poor. That’s why the next person they got with they went into a relationship with and not you. Or some other excuse just like that.
Think Deeply
Why even bother to think too deeply about it anyway? If you had even more attractive people asking what you are doing later? You are going to answer one of them to wash the bad taste out of your mouth. Maybe you eventually get to a place where you decide you will not just give out your intimacy for free. Maybe you are going to need to hear first that they are indeed looking to start a relationship before things get off the ground. Well, it’s not that hard for people to just pretend they are looking for a relationship to bait and switch you.
No matter where you sit right now in the market, you can climb. 1, 2, maybe 3 spots. You are not going to go from zero to hero in the blink of an eye. But, if you are a 4, you can climb to a 7 without having to become a millionaire. Don’t feel guilty or weird about studying up to improve your game. You are not cheating to get ahead. Call it cheating if you want. But you are learning to try and catch up to where you could have been if you had landed on the fast track. You might not even get that far, but you can at least climb closer to that place.
