Whatever you do, don’t let yourself burn out. That advice is a key to success whether you are a man, a woman, or anything in between or outside of that. Don’t let yourself burn out.
It can be really easy to get fatigued by the whole process of looking for a partner. Depending on your luck? Or lack of it? It’s way too easy to be left at the end becoming increasingly bitter towards the entire gender you are chasing. Before you know it? You’ll be acting as if all women held a big secret meeting where they decided to shun you.
Take a Break
Once you are feeling that way you are done. From that point forward, it will only get worse trying to continue talking to anybody. Take a break from the process at that point.
If there are some low-hanging fruit you can pick in the meantime without hurting anybody, consider going for that to help boost your confidence. Don’t let yourself burn out.
If you are open-minded enough and know one is available, go bang a trans girl or something. To those not that open-minded, sure, it might sound kind of gay. But overall? What sounds more gay? Getting a bj from somebody that looks, acts, and talks just like a woman, or sitting around all night rubbing a dick?
If You Are Openly Minded
If you have the means, and it’s legal where you live, or at least not fully criminalized, consider hiring a professional companion. Going that route? Try to find a site where people can post reviews on local girls. Try your best to research whether or not they are legitimate. And don’t send anybody cash in advance, because there is at least a 50% chance, or worse you are just getting scammed.
If you are a ‘normal’ person with a great, understanding, and supportive network of friends and/or family, spend a bit of time with them to recharge your batteries. It will be harder to pull off for some than others. But either way, don’t let yourself burn out. I can’t stress that enough. Don’t become cynical and jaded. Don’t let yourself burn out.
Being Rejected Hurts
Some people will respond very callously to another person expressing pain upon being rejected. Once, or repeatedly.
While there is a lot of truth that we all need to develop a thicker skin to being shut down and shut out? It doesn’t hurt to acknowledge it. Because it does hurt. To be rejected causes activity in all the same ways and places as if you were being physically beaten.
It’s even worse a lot of the time because of the way it erodes your self-esteem. It’s exceedingly difficult to experience rejection, and for that not to affect your confidence unless you are a sociopath or something. Even most sociopaths get hurt by rejection.
Some people will respond very callously to another person expressing pain upon being rejected. Once, or repeatedly. While there is a lot of truth in your need to develop a thicker skin to being shut down and shut out, it doesn’t hurt to acknowledge it. It does hurt.
To be rejected causes activity in all the same ways and places as if you were being physically beaten. Except it’s even worse a lot of the time because of the way it erodes your self-esteem. It’s exceedingly difficult to experience rejection, and for that not to affect your confidence unless you are a sociopath or something. Even most sociopaths get hurt by rejection.
Why does it hurt so much? Taking the perspective of an evolutionary psychologist, it actually makes a lot of sense. We are driven to reproduce, pass along our genes, and ensure the survival of our species in the process. That’s why we have sex drives in the first place. That’s why we developed in such a way that sex is so much damn fun.
To be rejected means you failed in your attempt to link up with somebody, and if that was your only chance at it, then that means your bloodline is going to go extinct.
Humans Are Social Creatures
Don’t let yourself burn out.
It’s more than just that. Humans are social creatures that have relied upon groups for survival going back to the dawn of mankind. You can survive just fine as a solitary individual in the modern world. You might perish earlier than otherwise because of how toxic being lonely is. But you can get by.
The average human will live 65 years longer than a tiger, twice as long as a chimp, hippo, or bird, and 10 – 15 years longer than a crocodile. But if you take one of each of those, and put them together on a deserted island, the human is very likely going to die first, and if not first, then definitely 2nd.
Sure, you could argue that a skilled enough outdoorsman might win that challenge. Most people couldn’t. Even those that could only be able to pull it off using technology others had invented. With knowledge, other people would have had to teach him. And only after other people had spent the first 12 – 13 years of their lifetime protecting them from harm.
At birth, 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, and 3 years of development, humans are the most helpless species that exist compared to our final form. The other animals are built in such a way as to have to contend with predators almost from day 1. There is nothing else out in nature that develops as much outside of the womb or egg as humans do.
Being Outcasted Meant Dying For Most of Human History
To be rejected means you are to some degree outcasted. That often meant being exiled, or at least at risk of being cut loose. If you were skilled enough socially, and your behavior was just right, you could sometimes manage to stick around beyond that, but doing so probably meant having to adopt a more subordinate role, and submitting to the more capable members of the group.
As you see in the animal kingdom, some would rather choose death over a life like that. For many animals, those are the only options. Become the alpha, become subordinate to the alpha, and hope you can stick around, die trying to take their place, or be exiled and die alone.
We Needed Each Other to Survive
If you were antisocial, or simply didn’t develop well enough socially quickly enough, it often meant being cast out from the group. Being cast out from the group was essentially a death sentence. We needed each other to survive. Even the strongest among us. The few that can manage today only do so because knowledge accumulated over many generations, with the help of technologies invented by those who came before us.
That’s why we are so compelled to go along with the group. To seek approval from the group. Sure, people will try telling you it’s unhealthy to have your self-worth tied to what others think of you, but that’s bs. Our self-worth is so strongly linked to what others think of us that it can’t possibly be separated.
The Pain of Rejection Is To Compel Us To Change
If you don’t think you have that issue, do it? You are just lying to yourself. Don’t? Yo next most likely answer as to why is that you simply lack the self-awareness to recognize it. If you truly don’t care, then you are a rare breed. Rare because for 99.999% of human existence, that quality would have been the reason why you didn’t pass on your genes, were exiled into the wilderness alone, and died young.
The pain of rejection is there to help us survive and live longer. Even the effects rejection causes within us. To be left feeling down, and wanting to give up trying, was your best survival strategy for most of existence if you were not capable enough to attract a mate and strong enough to fight off other challengers.
In the same way sticking your hand in a fire results in intense pain as a way to warn you not to do that again, being rejected causes pain too as a warning that you need to act in some way to either up your game, increase your capabilities, submit, or die alone without passing on your genes.
Don’t Let Yourself Burn Out
Don’t let yourself burn out. It’s so important. Don’t let yourself burn out.
It will quickly spiral out of control like a snowball rolling down a hill, growing in size and speed with every turn until it’s an unstoppable force of destruction. Burning out leads to frustration. If you are frustrated, you are not very likable. And if you somehow are, it’s a testament to just how likable you were to begin with, because you are going to be liked a lot less than you would have been otherwise.
Don’t let yourself burn out. Don’t let yourself burn out. It will lead to so many factors working against you. You can begin to lose hope and have your positive mindset come unraveled. A loss of confidence. You can end up becoming desperate. It can lead to becoming a misogynist.
Don’t Be An Asshole
In a strange way, becoming a misogynist can help improve your ability to land a partner. But I would argue against going in that direction. It will lead to hollow victories. You can cheat your way to some success. You can even cheat your way to the very top if you are deceptive enough and have the help of somebody brilliant enough so that you are on the very cutting edge of innovation.
Even in those instances, you get found out. You might have been treated as a champion or legend for a time. But in the end, you are not remembered as a legend. You live on as somebody forever remembered as a disgrace.
While you can make yourself more attractive to some women if you were to intentionally become a misogynist, you will still need to have capable enough social skills to attract a partner. While it will enhance your value to specific women, it also means you are cutting yourself off almost completely from quality partners.
You are going to end up with a damaged individual who is going to end up leaving you sometime after you’ve fallen in love with them. It would be a pairing that would be dysfunctional, and almost certain to flame out hurting everyone involved.
Be Talking To At Least 2 Girls
One of the best ways you can lessen the pain of rejection is to make sure you are talking to at least 2 girls at once. It will go a long way towards blunting the impact that rejection would otherwise have if you were not singularly focused on them. If you are juggling a few, then having one crash out is not really a big deal, there are back-ups.
You think you are tough and can take it. Well, minimizing the fallout is just a fringe benefit. There is in having somebody else that you can practice your material with. Try out different jokes and attempts at flirtation. The main benefit is really in how not only prevents you from coming across as desperate but helps you create a slightly aloof vibe. Creating that sort of vibe is key to winning over women.
Don’t Let Yourself Burn Out
It’s perfectly fine to show interest in a woman, but there is a tipping point where you come across as too into them. Or that you have nothing else going on. It suggests to a woman that she is of higher value than you are. Women date across, and upwards. Women don’t pursue somebody they see as lower status than themselves. There is also a universal human element involved in that we don’t truly appreciate things we never had to work for.
Showing yourself to be too easy to her? That you are one extended eye contact away from being wrapped entirely around her finger without her having had to do a thing, then you are like a bit of money somebody gave to a wealthy child. More money is always nice, but unless you make her work for it a little bit, then there is no respect or genuine appreciation for your being available to her.
Matthew 25:29
I don’t normally preach religion as I am not really much of a religious person. But organized religions are just one of the reasons the bible is the best-selling book of all time. It’s also an ancient book about philosophy, morality, and a general guide as to how a person can live a happy and fulfilling life in this world. It’s jam-packed full of prescient quotes that are as valid today as the day they were written. As for Matthew 25:29, the quote is,
Don’t let yourself burn out. If you let yourself get too far down, life will seize the opportunity to kick you at that precise moment that it is gonig to hurt the worst. It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. It’s just the way it is. Depending on a variety of factors, trying to meet a partner can feel as awful as it would trying to win a boxing match where you get to throw just one punch each round. It’s easy to lose focus as you are getting pummeled.
If you check out mentally, you have already lost. The game may feel rigged against you, but if you stay alert and keep your head about you, you can still beat the odds even in a situation like that. If you are striking in the perfect moments, targeting those strikes to the perfect spot, and hitting with the correct speed and force required, your story can still can happily ever after.
Don’t let yourself burn out. I mean it. Don’t let yourself burn out.
As you begin this journey of self-improvement, it’s very important to keep an open mind. Keep in mind that as you are trying to learn, there are lot’s of free resources available to you as well. Leveling up is not just a matter of paying the most money. You do have to be discerning as well though. The advice that comes packaged in the flashiest branding, marketed better than anything else available? It’s probably going to end up being more style than substance, and not really what you were hoping it would be for you. In the sea of information that is the internet though, how can you actually separate the trash from the treasure? It’s something all of us struggle with in today’s age. Trying to sift through all of it is really no joke either. The most visible information resources are almost always garbage designed to sound like the solution to all of your problems. But the most visible sites are often just landing pages designed to separate you from your money. All while providing back to you little to nothing for substance.
Created In Good Faith
When you do find something created in good faith? You will most often find that while all of the tips and tricks contained within were in fact helpful to somebody. Somebody other than you. Quite often they are produced by somebody who had a bank account that was already overloaded. Is great looking, Has been on the social development fast track since 5 years old. Etc. What worked for them isn’t going to work for you. It can feel like you are not even trying to copy pro moves and apply them at an amateur level. It can feel more like they are in the NBA, and you work in a pretzel stand somewhere near the stadium that stays open late on game nights. That doesn’t mean improving is hopeless. You most certainly can level up your game and rise a couple of tiers. Some people who have gone completely undeveloped could see themselves level up 3, maybe 4 times. But you are best served if you can maintain realistic goals throughout the process too. Unless you are near that level already, you are not going to suddenly become a threat to steal women away from the top movie stars or rock stars.
Goals
If getting with a top actress or singer is your goal, you probably need to rethink your priorities. You don’t need to hook up with the top models working in Milan in order to label this journey you are on as a success. That’s reaching into the top 0.001% of most desirable partners and is as unrealistic as goals get. Girls swimming that far out in the deep end often have very different criteria anyway. One of the main ones’s that you have 3 commas in your bank balance. The way you should measure success at anything should never be by comparing yourself to others. That is unrealistic and can be so demoralizing it will crush your motivation. Your point of comparison should always be against yourself. Yourself today, who you were yesterday, and so on.
To put yourself in a position where you can get your foot in the door, and start landing girls who wouldn’t give you the time of day today is a major success, and worth celebrating. There are many factors at play, and a large amount of them are beyond your control. Nature and nurture. Most of the variables have already had the results come in before you reached the 3rd grade. Some of them are static and will hardly budge no matter the effort you put in. Others are more malleable and can be pushed forward with some focus and effort.
Searching For Gold
One of the best ways to help sift through all the rubble in search of gold or diamonds is to find somebody who provides you value for free. Yes, free. There are lot’s of free resources out there if you care to look. That’s right. Lot’s of free resources. The world is also full of people hawking snake oil too. But if you are able to find somebody providing your genuine value, at no cost other than your time and attention? That you are able to build up some measure of connection with them? Than they are almost certainly not trying to pass off a pile of garbage as treasure.
If the entirety of what somebody has to say is pay-walled? It’s not always the case that the end product is pure garbage. But it’s probably more trash than treasure. Right off the bat, you can tell that you are dealing with somebody whose priority starts and ends with money. Whatever message they are preaching, it’s not motivated by a desire to see you achieve results. What motivates them is all about finding ways to discover how to separate you from your money. Their sales pitch is going to be filled with all sort of flashy promises that even they know they can’t live up to. But their goal never was to help you do this, that, or anything. Their goal was, is, and will always be just finding a way to play on your insecurities. And do it well enough to make you spend your money on whatever they are selling.
There Are Lot’s Of Free Resources
When I say there are lot’s of free resources out there, one example I can offer up is the work being done by the guys at Charisma on Command. That’s a link to a paid for course, exactly the kind of thing I just spoke about watching out for, haha. I am not an affiliate of theirs, and get nothing out of it if you were to go there and sign up for their course. I have personally never taken their course either, so I can’t even begin to offer up an opinion as to whether or not their course even provides good value for the money it costs.
What I can offer up an opinion on, is the huge amount of free content they put out for free on their youtube channel. In all likelihood, you can probably learn everything there is to learn from their course through their youtube channel.
That’s usually the case with anybody trying to provide genuine value for free online. Why pay at all then? Well, there might be an ace or two up their sleeves they have held back. But mostly, you are essentially paying to support the content producers themselves for the value they are putting out. And in return for that support, they have organized their message into the most concise summary they have managed to be able to. And they have ordered the content in such a way that they feel it makes the most sense and is best to digest for you, the consumer.
If It’s Free, It’s Me
Only a small percentage of their content is aimed specifically towards dating, or helping you meet a partner. Their content is entirely, or almost entirely geared towards in-person interactions as well. But still, even if your path towards finding love is going to be a journey that starts online, at some point you are going to need to navigate social interactions in person. They offer up a ton of insight into various ways that people of different personality types are able to be so likable, respected, beloved, and more. A lot of their videos have some real gems inside to be mined out. It’s fair to say that some of their videos are of mediocre quality. Some of them are even less than that and leave a lot to be desired. But, they’ve put out almost 400 videos on youtube, and nobody produces greatest hits at a rate of 100%. I suppose one of the greatest allures of their paid course is to have the core concepts spoken of in those 400 videos reduced to something more palatable that the average person actually might be able to find the time to sit down and go through.
It’s a strange feeling that is not easily dismissed if you are just taking your first steps on a path toward leveling up your game and improving your perceived value in the dating marketplace. Actively looking to get better at dating almost feels greasy and manipulative, like you are trying to hack and cheat the system. Shouldn’t we just roll the dice and accept fate? That’s how most Hollywood romance stories go. Just be yourself, and the girl of your dreams will fall into your lap.
She might first appear on the arm of a more handsome, more successful guy at first. Maybe instead you win out over the more attractive and wealthier man that appears in a couple of chapters from now while she is in crisis and experiencing uncertainty before finally giving in without you having to break a sweat, lift a finger, try, or learn anything. Just like a fairy tale.
Maybe You Are Already In the Top 1%
If your life is so blessed that your life here in this world so closely resembles a fairy tale you cannot be sure whether or not you are just a character in one or not? Well, maybe the only advice you do need is to sit back, relax, don’t worry about anything, and enjoy the experience as the universe showers you with riches, the girl of your dreams, and more. You are living a charmed experience if that is your life. If that’s you, your life is so far beyond the average guy, and so far beyond most of the top 1% of guys that they couldn’t even begin to relate.
For people living a life more ordinary? To never make any attempt to improve as a potential dating partner would be kind of like putting yourself through university, and then for the thrills, intentionally going into the final exams not having studied at all. After going into debt to take the course and investing all that time into it. That sounds like madness. To just roll the dice and accept fate in the dating game is actually worse than that. It would be like skipping the entire course before declining to study for the exam. Then refusing to even find out the subject of each exam before taking it. There is likely somebody, or some people who could operate like that, and ace it.
Maybe You Already Are That 1 in 1,000,000 Guy
Unless you are that guy, that 1 in a 1,000,000 guy? You should be learning how to improve your chances in the dating game. It should be something you don’t feel guilty about doing either. No more guilty, shady, or manipulative than a university student would feel for having shown up at least some of the time to a course they were taking. And choosing to study for the final exam before taking it. They definitely should not just roll the dice and accept fate. And they definitely shouldn’t feel guilty for preparing for what was about to come. Or for any additional measures meant to help their chances at having a successful outcome unless that action carried the risk of being shut out of the game completely.
Even before the age of 5, some of us were given the confidence, taught how to behave well enough, and were playful enough that we caught on socially with our peers from day 1. Congratulations, if that was you. People experiencing that outcome as a child were not just miles other from others, but we also accepted a VIP invitation to the fast track at the same time. Success begets success.
Didn’t Get Invited Onto The Fast Track
Within a short time after that, they were not simply ahead of you or I, or countless others. The rate at which they were improving? It was increasing exponentially from that point on. The rest of us improved incrementally. We experienced extended droughts that saw us plateau seem to plateau. Sometimes we stagnated so long that when we finally figured out what we wanted or where to go, we had sunk so deep into mud that we could just move forward, or move much at all. We were completely stuck, feeling useless, and utterly powerless in that state to control the outcomes of events occurring all around us. Maybe even got turned around at some point, and spend months going in what turned out to be the wrong direction entirely.
Within a short time after that, they were not simply ahead of you or I, or countless others. The rate at which they were improving? It was increasing exponentially from that point on. The rest of us improved incrementally. We experienced extended droughts that saw us plateau seem to plateau. Sometimes we stagnated so long that when we finally figured out what we wanted or where to go, we had sunk so deep into mud that we could just move forward, or move much at all. We were completely stuck, feeling useless, and utterly powerless in that state to control the outcomes of events occurring all around us. Maybe even got turned around at some point, and spend months going in what turned out to be the wrong direction entirely.
The point is that you are likely so far behind the top %1, that even if there was a way to cheat your way ahead of where you are, or hack the system for better control? It not going to vault you into the higher echelons. Should you just roll the dice and accept fate? No, you should take things into your own hands.
There Is Always Hope
This painting probably looks more than bleak enough at this point. What was the point then? To try and help you understand that you can’t possibly be cheating your way instantly to the top. You need to lay a solid foundation first. Few of us achieve greatness. Fewer are those who do. Even fewer keep pushing hard enough with enough grit until they become true masters. If you could cheat your way so up the dating marketplace you were landing dates with the hottest movie actresses. Is that really something to even feel guilty about it? Well, if so, you don’t have to worry about ever feeling that guilty. Almost nobody in the world has the genes, talent, and level of financial success required to be pulling that off any more than as a one-off fluke.
I am not trying to put you down, break you down, or crush your dreams by saying that. But you need to get real. And you need to keep it real. Real about where you currently rank. Optimistic about your potential, but keeping it real. Real about the kind of girls you should be targeting. Have you ever landed a girl that is way out of your league? Almost sounds like a dream come true doesn’t it? Like a fairy tale.
But Life Isn’t A Fairy Tale
It’s no fairy tale to spend your days in a relationship with a girl way out of your league. It’s not like you might see in a TV show or movie. Guess what, she is also going to know she is out of your league. And you strangely fall into her blind spot in a way that she is completely unable to see that being the case? People are going to let her know. Lots of people. Often. It may even happen right in front of your face, while you range to hear. It may even get said right to you. Maybe even directly. Most likely in the form of the kind of passive-aggressive joke you can see and feel was not intended as a joke. Sometimes announced by somebody as a between-the-lines way for them to declare they are more likely the one for her. That at the very least, they are an upgrade over you.
An unfortunate truth is that the person holding all the power in a relationship is the one who cares the least about that relationship. It’s not some kind of fluke that only happens some of the time. And sure, the tables of power within a relationship can flip and land somebody new in charge. That is what happens if the person who previously cared most about that relationship started to care the least. The reason why the person has all the power in the relationship has nothing to do with being able to skillfully and tactfully get your points across. It’s entirely because one person is significantly more willing than the other to drop their partner and walk away.
The Power
The 4 most typical reactions to hearing are A) nodding in agreement, because they already knew, or the light bulb clicked right away. B) Confusion, doubt, and denial. . . then eventually acceptance. C) Defiantly resisting the claim, insisting that they are always in charge because they are the boss. Now sure, being a man and a true leader will take you far. But eventually, she is going to see enough of what’s going on behind the curtains that the shine is going to dull out eventually. And maybe you still are the one who always holds all the power. But that’s entirely to do with caring less about whether the relationship ends than she does. Finally, D) Many will just insist it’s the woman that holds all the power, period.
Without meeting a couple, over a big enough sample size, you or I could actually guess which person in the relationship holds all the power with about 80% accuracy. Don’t even need to see a picture. Just guess the woman every time. But that has nothing to do with her being female. It’s entirely because women are more willing than men to just drop their partner for a chance at someone new. Women initiate the break-up 80% of the time. Women have more options than men. The best-looking, most charming man you have ever met couldn’t get as many women into bed in a week as the ugliest girl you have ever met could get men into bed in one night. As a whole group, men are so thirsty that it’s kind of pathetic. We are so thirsty, we have given away all power and control in our relationships.
Just Roll The Dice And Accept Fate?
There are times in life when aiming for the stars is absolutely the best mindset you can have. Aiming for the highest possible goal in some endeavors can leave you someplace worthwhile even if you fail. Aiming for the lowest hanging fruit only can leave you wandering out looking for something off the ground to try picking up and eating if you fall short. I am not trying to preach that you, or anything should settle for somebody that they don’t feel attracted to. The point of identifying your range isn’t to date only women you perceive as looking up to your level. But do keep in mind that women are almost universally looking to date up. They are not content with a lateral move. Women are seeking a partner who will elevate their life, their status, their potential, etc.
The problem today in 2023? Once you are through school at least. You might be self-aware enough to understand roughly where you sit in the market. You might be very realistic about what girls are on and around your level too. The problem is that even the girls you know are on, or even slightly below your level, somewhere deep inside they know too. But, those girls are getting consistent enough attention from 8’s, 9′, and 10’s. They are rethinking everything they thought they knew.
Develop Self Awareness
If that were happening to you, you wouldn’t give a 7 the time of day even if you knew deep down you were really a 6. As girl after girl used you and moved on, few would be self-critical enough to understand they were reaching too high. We all have an inner narcissist that wants to believe we are special. That we are better than everybody has ever thought us to be thus far. And if some very attractive people were to start confirming that to us daily with attention and desire to be with us, we would fall for it. Hard and fast.
As we piled up casual encounters that we tried and failed to turn into relationships, we wouldn’t look inwards. We would rationalize it some other way. The timing was poor. That’s why the next person they got with they went into a relationship with and not you. Or some other excuse just like that.
Think Deeply
Why even bother to think too deeply about it anyway? If you had even more attractive people asking what you are doing later? You are going to answer one of them to wash the bad taste out of your mouth. Maybe you eventually get to a place where you decide you will not just give out your intimacy for free. Maybe you are going to need to hear first that they are indeed looking to start a relationship before things get off the ground. Well, it’s not that hard for people to just pretend they are looking for a relationship to bait and switch you.
No matter where you sit right now in the market, you can climb. 1, 2, maybe 3 spots. You are not going to go from zero to hero in the blink of an eye. But, if you are a 4, you can climb to a 7 without having to become a millionaire. Don’t feel guilty or weird about studying up to improve your game. You are not cheating to get ahead. Call it cheating if you want. But you are learning to try and catch up to where you could have been if you had landed on the fast track. You might not even get that far, but you can at least climb closer to that place.
This is probably the most common bit of general advice you will hear in regard to finding somebody. Just be yourself! You will hear it from many different sources. It’s the message that Hollywood tries to promote to us all. That could be why it is regurgitated back at us as often as it is. Just be yourself. Well, it’s not exactly the best advice you can go about dishing out.
A lot of people figure that means that somebody is going to come along and just love them for them. Worse, a version of them that puts no effort into self-improvement. That version of them will often be kind of lazy, inattentive, and boring because of the lack of excitement in their lives.
Be your best self.
If you are a man? The cold hard truth is that nobody will ever give you unconditional love. Except maybe your mother. If you are lucky. Nobody in this world can just expect unconditional love, because nobody is guaranteed to get it. But, that’s not saying nobody gets it. Plenty of women are fortunate enough to receive love like that. Same with many dogs and cats that are kept as pets. Unconditional as in no matter what they could possibly do wrong if, at the end of it, they showed remorse to you? And a desire for your love and attention? They are basically guaranteed that. More often than not, it’s not truly unconditional, but there might be so few conditions upon it that it might as well be.
As a man, you can be loved and cared about. But those men are loved for what they provide to their partners, families, communities, or the world in general. You can be revered as an absolute legend one day, and fall victim to a fate even worse than being canceled. To be made invisible. I wanted to say forgotten, but that’s not even true. You might have been a global icon. And who you were in that moment of time, however many years ago for however long? It’s almost as though there is a disconnect.
What have you done for me lately?
Johnny Cash was beloved from the early 1950s or so until he died in 2003. And while he was celebrated through all those years, there was a disconnect that took place. Music executive Rick Rubin bumped into Johnny Cash at a restaurant in Cash’s later years. That chance meeting actually led to the Cash re-emerging as a creative icon once more in what felt like a sort of farewell tour. But Cash that night was depressed. He was eating alone. Nobody cared. Nobody. All over, people still celebrated the memory of Johnny Cash, and what he had provided them, a soundtrack to their lives. But what had Johnny done lately?
Be Authentic
In a way, the just be yourself message is exactly the answer. You need to remain genuine. You must be authentic.
The harder to understand part is that you cannot simply stay as you are either. Just be yourself is a call to mimic more successful people. Perhaps that are elements you could borrow from other people. But for the most part, you need to take anything you did borrow or copy, and make it your own. To do otherwise creates incongruency, which others can just intuitively feel. Maybe they only do so on an unconscious level, but it would manifest on the conscious level as a strange suspicion of you that they coudln’t quite put a finger on.
You can’t evolve into somebody or something else. You have to evolve into your next form. Reach whatever your own version of an increased power level is.
Is that just advice people give to troll others?
“Just be yourself?” It sounds dismissive, and unhelpful. Like something an arrogant, self absorbed, condescending bully would tell you just to troll you for laughs.
Deeper than it seems?
It’s also profound advice with a lot of death. What’s it’s trying to convey is that there is no shortcuts or cheatcodes to instantly achieve what you hope. You can’t become somebody else, you are stuck being you. So what you need to do is start to incrementally take steps in the right direction. It may see like you are being asked to move and entire mountain by hand it seems so much work. But that too is possible, so long as you can remain focused on one stone at a time.
If you want to achieve your goals, you need to be yourself. Not you as you are. A better verison of you.
